i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
