just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
