so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
