how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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