have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
