we're chasing vodka with high fives
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize