I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
