put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
