I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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