dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was like eating out sand paper
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
