I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
