I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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