david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize