i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize