I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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