Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize