Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
