6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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