im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
