I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
