Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
