it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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