i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
