I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
