Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
