i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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