Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
