just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
