i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize