I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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