i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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