y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize