I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
