Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize