Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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