and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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