I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this just has baby written all over it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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