Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
