I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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