He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
