JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
