mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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