Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
