I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize