someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
someone owes me an orgasm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
