Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my liver is dry heaving
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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