GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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