my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
