remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
