never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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