STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
