Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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