i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
