I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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