VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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