someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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