im six kinds of drunk right now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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