just tell him i said nine months
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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