my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
