His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
