Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I AM VODKA MAN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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