News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize