She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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