you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
