my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Found your dick twin last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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