im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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