he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
