just tell him i said nine months
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
